When a relationship ends, one of the first things people hear, from a friend or a forum, is that you have to try mediation before a court will look at your case. It is usually said with confidence, and it leaves people either dreading a meeting they do not want, or assuming the whole process is out of their hands.
The reality is more reassuring than the rumour. There is a requirement, but it is narrower than most people think; it does not force you to sit in a room with your ex, and there are situations where it does not apply to you at all. Here is what the rules actually say.
The divorce itself doesn’t require mediation
This is the biggest source of confusion, so it is worth clearing up first. If you simply want to end your marriage, you do not need to attend mediation or any other meeting before applying.
Since the no-fault divorce rules came in, the application is largely an administrative process. Nobody has to prove anything, nobody has to blame anyone, and there is no requirement to have tried mediation first.
The mediation requirement attaches to the two things that usually sit alongside a divorce: sorting out arrangements for your children, and dividing your finances. Those are separate applications, and it is those that bring the rules into play.
What a MIAM actually is
Before you apply to court for a child arrangements order or a financial order, you normally have to attend a MIAM, a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting.
The name is a mouthful, but the meeting itself is straightforward. It is a single appointment, usually around an hour, with an accredited family mediator. You attend on your own, not with your ex-partner. The mediator explains how mediation works, what other options exist, and assesses whether your situation is suitable for it.
That is the whole thing. It is an information and assessment meeting, not a negotiation, not a decision, and not something you can fail. The mediator is neutral and does not take sides or give either of you legal advice.
If the mediator concludes that mediation is not suitable, or your ex-partner refuses to engage, they sign a form confirming that, and you can proceed to court.
You don’t have to mediate, but you do have to consider it
Attending the information meeting is a requirement. Actually mediating is not. Mediation is voluntary, and nobody can force you into a process you do not want.
That said, the courts have grown noticeably firmer about expecting people to explore alternatives before litigating. Rule changes in April 2024 mean that in most family proceedings, both parties must file a form setting out their views on resolving matters away from court. Judges can pause proceedings to allow mediation or another option to be tried, even where one party has not agreed. And in financial cases, a court can take an unreasonable refusal to engage into account when deciding who pays the legal costs.
None of this makes mediation compulsory. It does mean that “I would rather not” is no longer a comfortable answer on its own.
When you don’t need a MIAM at all
There are recognised exemptions, and they exist for good reason. You will generally not need to attend a MIAM where:
- There is evidence of domestic abuse between you and the other party
- The matter is genuinely urgent, including risk to your safety or a child’s
- There are child protection concerns, such as ongoing social services involvement
- You have already attended a MIAM or mediated on the same issues in the last four months
- No authorised mediator is available within a reasonable distance or timeframe
The exemptions were tightened in April 2024, and the domestic abuse exemption in particular requires supporting evidence. If you think an exemption applies to you, it is worth taking advice before your application, because getting it wrong can mean your case is delayed or sent back.
What it costs, and the help available
MIAMs and mediation are usually paid for privately, though legal aid remains available for family mediation for those who qualify financially, which can cover the MIAM for both of you.
There is also the government-backed Family Mediation Voucher Scheme, which contributes up to £500 towards mediation in cases involving arrangements for children. It has been extended into 2026/27. Your mediator applies on your behalf, so it is worth asking about at your first appointment.
Set against the cost of a contested court case, mediation is generally far cheaper, considerably faster, and a good deal less draining, which is much of the reason the system pushes people towards it.
We’re Here to Help
We understand that separating from a partner can feel overwhelming, and that the process around it can be confusing before you have even started. At Dudden Law, we offer a free first consultation, a no-obligation chance to talk through your situation and understand your options.
Our friendly team is based in Cardiff and supports clients across South Wales and beyond. Book your free consultation or call 02921 320 150.
Insights from Megan Waugh, Dudden Law Solicitors
